TEST DRIVE ∞ May 2025

[thediadem]

Test Drive ∞ May 2025

The First Collision

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Jump ⇅ :: Arrival — Panorama — Fringes — Invite Request

The Diadem is an invite-only panfandom game set in a retro-futuristic world where uprooted souls find themselves deep within an eerie wasteland of roads and highways frequently assailed by cosmic storms. Three united strongholds keep the population. Its capital is Panorama, a large metropolis at the planet's center.

Soon, you realize you aren't alone. Calling themselves fluxdrifts, the "locals" have similar stories to you, either for themselves or their ancestry. You speak to an old woman who claims she hailed from another star. You meet a young man who says his great-great-grandfather knew a strange language everybody spoke "back home." As you explore, you stumble across a coin you recognize or your sister's locket. How did it get here? What does this mean? That's for you to discover.

But first, you need to find a ride.

No invites needed to play on the TDM. Everyone's welcome! Use the Invite Request thread below to request an invite from another player.

∞ Summary ∞

IC-wise, arrivals are scattered throughout the month. Events described on the TDM are also ongoing throughout the month. If you'd rather jump right into the action, you're free to begin in media res with your character having already been on the planet for several days.

Post-impact, characters will wake up in a med tent by the Scrapyard. From there, they must accept a vehicle on loan and make the 2-hour drive to the nearest city, Panorama. If they refuse the car because they don't want the loan, they'll be in debt for medical bills instead...so just take the car. It'll come in handy.

Some things to keep in mind when bringing in your character:

• Pick an injury. At minimum, they got knocked out; at most, whatever they can recover from. Medicine is decently advanced so they'll heal faster if not painlessly.
• Decide items kept. Reasonable items on their person only: photos, keys, clothes, costumes. No pets or animal companions. Wildly out-of-place tech and personal cell phones will be damaged beyond repair.
• Select a weapon. Do this only if eligible. Guidelines about weapons and powers are on the FAQ.
• Choose a vehicle. Decide whether your character gets 2-3 options or if they're stuck with something they hate. Players can pick directly from our collection or source their own images. Anything under a similar aesthetic will work. If your character needs accommodations for driving, they can have them. Ask us for details.
• Get a phone. Characters have to obtain a phone (and a SIM card) themselves. If they've got one from home, it's damaged beyond repair. Phones are cheap. It'll only take a couple of weeks to afford one. You need to know the number before you text or call anyone. Read about phones and the Forum before you hop on it.

TDM threads can be canon if characters are accepted. Top-levels made to the TDM should be open to all.

TDM Questions? Here — Game Questions? FAQ

Setting — Taken — Reserves — Applications ::: ⇅ Top

Fluxdrift

Arrival & Introduction

Date: Throughout May

You've tumbled over a cliff. You were fighting for your life. You're on the cusp of death. You slipped in the shower. Whatever the catalyst, you struggle to cling to consciousness. As darkness overtakes you, a swirling vortex warps light and shadow in a way that defies all physics. A dark wail etches into your very bones. You couldn't describe it if you tried. You can barely comprehend what it is.

Then you open your eyes.

Through the figure's mask ©, you swear the face is grinning down at you. The tent you're in smells of antiseptic, and scratchy blankets line your cot. Injuries you've sustained have been bandaged. In the corner, you spot a MedBot that's fixed you up. Depending on the extent of your injuries, the doctor on duty might give you some painkillers before you go. Thankfully, your belongings are by the exit. Sorry if anything's damaged. Your landing was pretty rough.

You follow the figure outside. They are Yom Crook, here to lend a hand to fellow fluxdrifts like yourself. Their car's parked beside them. Actually, there are lots of cars around, but Yom Crook's stands out with its painted shark mouth. They explain they found you, unconscious, in a diffusion zone and brought you here. The nearest city is a 2-hour drive northeast. Forget about walking. You'll never make it. Also, you owe the doctor a lot of money for patching you up. But you're in luck: they've got some wheels for you and if you accept the vehicle on loan, Yom Crook will cover your medical bills. That's a good deal, right? It's not the shiniest car or motorcycle, but it'll do. If fortune favors, you'll get to choose between two or three options. Plus, if you need accommodations to drive—like adjustments to your seat height or modified controls—you'll receive all that for free.

Take the vehicle. (And the loan.) Yom Crook assures you that you'll have six months before collectors come around. Any time you're ready to pay a part of it down, return here to the Scrapyard. You'll get a receipt and everything. Paying off the loan in six months isn't impossible, but it will take a lot of work. Just don't get too lax. There's a good chance you'll be juggling multiple loans as you try to get by.

You either know how to drive, or you'll have a bare-bones manual to get you started. Road rules are more a suggestion than enforced, so just hit the pedal and go. The car has some basic features. The built-in compass will help you navigate.

OPTIONAL PROMPTS: a flat tire; a body on the road (is it a trap?); a fender bender

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Panorama

Explore & Settle In

Conditions: Warm spring temperatures, light showers

After 2 hours on the road, you find civilization. The largest of the strongholds, Panorama is where the economy thrives. Massive power plants glowing red make it visible from a distance. The city is divided into three districts. For now, you can access the Pavilion and the Blocks. Don't worry about the Sanctum; they're not letting you in.

You only need to know two things about Panorama: 1) it's big, the size of a modern metropolis, and you'll need your car to get around; 2) anything goes as long as you don't pick a fight with the wrong person. Street smarts will get you far. Despite its geographical size, the population isn't huge. With roughly a million people in a city designed for over twice that number, Panorama is far from deserted, but nor is it overcrowded. It's a good thing. Resources are limited as it is.

The Pavilion: Free Samples

©

Like any large city, Panorama features a couple of supermarkets. The stock's not as consistent as a proper supermarket. On occasion, shelves can remain cleaned out for a week or two. Regardless, the long tradition of free samples remains. If you're not already shopping, you'll notice the crowded parking lot and clusters of lines inside.

Try samples, push through the crowds as you shop, or give yourself a five-finger discount. If you're cautious, you can pocket a few small items without consequences. The Pavillion doesn't have the infrastructure for surveillance; unless someone sees you, you won't be caught. Steal from the store or pilfer someone's wallet. Maybe you even make a new friend if you bump into another fluxdrift. Or, start a fight with somebody who cut you off in the cheese line. Don't make too much of a ruckus, or you'll be thrown out.

As you look around, you'll see posters advertising temporary positions for the cash register or graveyard shifts in the warehouse. Seems they might've lost several employees recently (how'd that happen?), which is good for you! It's just a 6-week position, but it'll get you on your feet. The city has temporary positions like this all over. Permanent ones are harder to come by when you're new.

Samples include: steamed cabbage dumplings, synthetic cherry juice, cheddar cheese, and chocolate-covered alien eggs (it's crunchy and weirdly tasty). They're served in the usual throwaway paper cups with little toothpicks.

The Blocks: Power Outage

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Power's finicky in Panorama, especially in the Blocks. Saint Margery's Hospital, located in the same area, has priority for power so the first to go are the motels. Maybe you've been in your room for a couple of weeks, maybe you just got here—and by the way, every motel desk is happy to put the fee on your tab if you don't have the money upfront—but all the motels on the east side are in a blackout, leaving only the west side motels up and running.

What do you do? You have three choices:

• Risk leaving your room and head to the other side where there's power. Knock on some doors and negotiate with another to share the room. They might shut the door in your face, ask for a favor in return, or be nice enough to help you with no strings attached. There's no guarantee your unattended room will be untouched, though, and you'll be on the hook for any damages an intruder causes.
• Sit in the dark and deal. It's not the worst idea, but the TV's down, the vending machines are powered down, and with the entire place plunged into darkness, you risk getting robbed. If you struggle with defending yourself, you might want to find some trustworthy company. You can also sneak out of there and let them take your leftover pizza. It's not like you've got a ton of valuables, right? Plus, clobbering someone in the face with a frying pan sounds great until you realize you've gotta do something with the body. And what if this person's got a friend waiting?
• Get in your car and drive (or grab a friend for a road trip). If you scroll the Forum, you might notice reports on diffusion zones southward. Besides, these motels are hardly your forever home. The city can only provide so much. Why not go for a ride and see what you can find out there?

OPTIONAL PROMPTS: clean up on aisle 3 (what is that goo?); a knock at your door but no one's there; you hear screaming or a commotion down the hall

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©

The Fringes

Quad 3: Lockdown

Conditions: Stormy, with flooding roads

Felix Bjurstrom
> Date: 125-05-17
> Time: 02:15:57

> Emergency road lights have been reported in Quadrant 3! Please, can someone go see what's there? When last we chasers investigated emergency lights, a whole truck filled with sour candy had tipped over. Our stores were stocked for weeks! Oh, be careful - reception looks bad in that zone.

Whether you end up here on your own or you were following a tip on the Forum, the outcome is the same: you come to a stop in front of a 2-story office building that's flooded several inches deep. Emergency lights from a roadblock flicker through the stormy night. Stepping out of your car, you're soaked within seconds. When you check your phone, you don't have any bars. No calls in or out.

Through the open windows, a computer awakens and displays a cheerful smile. The lights inside switch on.

Pick your scenario role below. Your thread partner doesn't need to take the opposite role! They can join you in the same scenario (i.e. trapped together). Players are also free to create a generic NPC for the other side to facilitate the thread.

After characters escape, they'll find one bottle of antibiotics in their pocket or car, whether they remember taking it or not.

A: Sealed In
As you peer through the windows, you see crates of medicine floating around. Antibiotics in the diadem are valuable. Hospitals and doctors are always buying. You can keep it for yourself or make a quick buck. Or maybe you're compelled to help somebody back in the city who's in need. Whatever the reason, you decide to take the risk and step inside.

Water splashes around your ankles. The lock buzzes behind you. If you try to break the windows, you discover they're unnaturally resistant to shattering. With the whole place locked tight, the water begins to churn. Then the computer lights up again.

Warning, it flashes in large, bold text. Quarantine in progress. Release code required for exit.

• To find the code, you'll have to search. Duck under the water, go through sopping envelopes and sticky notes or pick the locks on the filing cabinets and desk drawers. You can also try hacking the computers. Use your computer knowledge or fall back on the age-old trick of seeing who wrote down their password.
• The files, notepads, and emails start innocuous, but as you look through them, disturbing phrases jump out at you—a dark thought you've had or a cruel taunt from someone in your past. The longer you're fixed on the terrible words, the higher the water begins to rise. Only another can break you out of your trance.
• With the rising water comes fear. And the more you're afraid, the more the water also rises. You begin to see faces in the water, bobbing like balloon heads. Do you recognize them? If you move to take a closer look, they will sink back beneath the surface as if never there.
• If you manage to swallow your panic, you can eventually find a triple-laminated binder with the release code and instructions. Bad news: you need someone on the outside to punch in the 6 strange symbols in order. The instructions explain that the code panel is located at the back of the building.

Let's hope a friendly face comes along.

B: Set Free
As you peer through the windows, you see not just the crates of medicine but someone trapped inside. They look like they might be in trouble, and from your vantage point, you notice that the water is bubbling strangely. It's definitely not normal rainwater. As you watch, the water rises unnaturally, stopping and starting. It's as if the water level is responding to an external stimulus.

• The glass is soundproof. You can't hear what the person inside is saying, so you'll have to communicate with each other another way. Try charades, typing on your phone, or whatever you think of. Eventually, you determine that they're stuck and that you need to enter some sort of code onto a pad located—according to your trapped partner—at the back of the building.
• Around the back, shadows swallow your surroundings. The panel must be pried open, but a slippery substance makes it hard to get a good grip. Each time the substance touches you, you grow uneasy. You swear you see eyes watching you, though when you turn around, nothing's there.
• You can't seem to keep the instructions in your mind. And those symbols...they burn into your retinas. Through them, you glimpse an incomprehensibly massive figure unfurling in the darkness, pulsing as if in a deep sleep. When you snap back to reality, you realize you've injured yourself, slicing your hand on a sharp edge or a bruise you can't remember getting.
• Once you manage to release the doors, the water inside the office drains upward into the sky as though sucked out by a giant hose. The darkness spreads. Get out of there fast before the shadows drag you or your partner into the void.

Of course, you don't have to help anyone. You can leave the individual there, make a deal, or outright extort them. But remember, you're not the only person on these roads. You might want to play your cards carefully, even if altruism isn't your first instinct.

Main Navigation ::: ⇅ Top

Comments

FREE SAMPLES

[faithfall]

[ Adrian has never had a job before. It's certainly been a novel day, being scolded for sitting or chided for the lack of olives, as if he were personally responsible for providing them despite having only worked a few hours. Still, Fern had impressed upon him that he needed to find some way to clear his apparently substantial debt, so here he is... working. At a grocery store.

Currently, he's handing out tiny samples of cheese. He is, perhaps, also eating some of the cheese when he thinks no one is looking. (It's been impressed upon him that any loss of inventory under his watch will be deducted from his own wages, which is another utterly ridiculous rule in his estimation, and deserving of cheese reparations.) ]

Wait, you there — I'm terribly sorry, but you do need to pay for that. Please.

[ Did he catch you stealing? Maybe you were just waiting for a cheese sample, and now the tray is going away with Adrian as he goes after the shoplifter? All 5'7 of him isn't exactly an intimidating figure, so maybe this shoplifter he's going after doesn't look inclined to play nice... Regardless of how you run into him, he could probably use a hand.

Later that evening, Adrian can be found outside the shop, having been unceremoniously demoted from cheese sample guy. He's wearing slightly crushed costume in the shape of an cabbage and waving a sign. ]

Cabbages are half price. If you care.

[ Said with all the stoic dignity of a man who couldn't sell a grave to a corpse.

How much do the cabbages actually cost now? He still has no idea. They won't let him on the till. He's pretty sure he's getting fired after his very first day. ]

can't believe no one picked the cabbage prompt

[frostfist]

[ You know what's better than one sad cabbage waving a sign? Two sad cabbages waving a sign.

Except in this case it's a cabbage and a cucumber both waving signs, because two cabbages would just be overkill. Two different vegetables though? Now they're talking. Or, well, someone out there's probably talking, but not in the way the managers of the store want them to. There are a couple of snickers from assorted passersby as they....well, pass by, but not a single person falls prey to their wiles except to snap a blurry photo and leave.

The cucumber turns to look at the cabbage. For some reason, his costume is blue? Guess they ran out of green fabric or something. ]

How long do you think they're going to make us do this before they realize it doesn't work?

[ Apparently cucumbers are (glances at the sign) only 30% off. Damn. ]

val i'm still crying about this tag

[faithfall]

[ Adrian turns to his fellow produce-themed peon and sighs. ] Until our humiliation is no longer entertaining, probably.

[ He takes the open volley of conversation as an invitation to look the man over. What little skin he can see (outside of the oddly phallic costume) is littered with scars, and his hair greying in uneven streaks. He certainly doesn't look like the type to be sorting produce in the ordinary course. Perhaps he's retired from a more dangerous life? ]

What terrible crime have you been cast out here for, Mr. Wriothesley? Leaning on the counter perhaps?

[ They'd met briefly enough to exchange names before being put to work together, but his own day has been such a disaster that he's uncertain of what Wriothesley has done, if anything at all. Adrian is certain that this is all completely unnecessary, just a sort of ritual humiliation. Like the hazing rituals soldiers sometimes enjoyed. He's just grateful that neither Fern nor the rest of his companions can see him now. Taulok would have been kind about it, maybe. Shump and Alden would never have let him live it down. ]

happy to provide (stupidity)

[frostfist]

[ What are his terrible crimes? He straightens in his cucumber suit, listening to the compress and rustle of fabric around him, and puts on a contemplative expression. Wouldn't it be funny if he riffed off his actual prison sentence? In this place, where the buildings and people are all wholly unfamiliar to him, it's not as though anyone would be able to discern the truth from a lie.

In the end, he settles for something more light-hearted. ]

Mass murder of produce, I'm afraid. [ Said with a deep, overly dramatic sigh. By which he means, with a nod of his head towards the road outside, the occasional car zipping past: ] I made the mistake of spilling a crate of oranges and half of them rolled out into the street.

[ Another pause for dramatic effect. ]

During rush hour. Not a single body was able to be recovered.

[ Never has anyone seen so much (fruit and vegetable) carnage. ]

did they send him to prison for impersonating a catboy

[faithfall]

[ Adrian curls a hand in front of his mouth and clears his throat, clearly fighting off a laugh. ] My goodness, what horrors you must have witnessed. Perhaps I can recommend that they offer you leave for mental anguish?

[ He lowers his hand so that he can place it over his heart. Very, very seriously, he continues: ] If there's anything I can do to ease your burdens, do inform me.

god i wish, the whole dev team deserves to be jailed for the crime of making him a fake furry

[frostfist]

[ Nice of the guy to play along with his theatrics, though maybe that's simply because there's so little for them to do out here dressed as they are as oversized vegetables. Still, it bumps Adrian up in his estimation, and the smile on Wriothesley's face widens. ]

That's kind of you to offer, but the pleasure of your company is more than enough.

[ Especially since no one else is stopping by to hang with them. But since they are mostly alone, Wriothesley relaxes again, propping one hand on his hip. ]

Though if you're really inclined, maybe you could tell me a story? Either about yourself, or your home, or something interesting you read in a book once.

:pensive:

[faithfall]

[ Adrian laughs, a bit self-deprecating but not unkind. One might argue that his company will only remain a pleasure so long as they're casual acquaintances.

For his part, Adrian has learned to enjoy a good bit from his dear friend Taulok. ] I would never abandon you, Mr. Wriothesley. We're garden-mates.

[ Was there ever a stronger bond than the one between two men dressed as vegetables? ]

How about a game? I'll tell you a story, and you can guess which one it is: the truth, or a fiction I've read in a book. Then you can tell me one, and I'll take a guess.

[ It's something to pass the time, after all. Adrian taps his chin, thoughtful. ] In the city that I call home, magic is commonplace, but there is a very particular rule in place: no skeletons, even illusionary, even in jest. The Masked Lords have imposed an exorbitant fine on anyone caught participating in the casting of such magic, or anything similar.

[ This story is true, and well known in Waterdeep, but Adrian can only hope it's odd enough to make Wriothesley question. ]

smh just because i was slow in coming here!!!

[recitations]

[ It'd be a lie if Aria has managed to maintain her dignity over the years, given the sheer number of nonsense requests she has ( dutifully, begrudgingly, just-for-the-sake-of-doing-so-ly ) fulfilled over the years. No rest for the hero who everyone looks at with such hope and admiration. Gods know how many costumes she's had to fit in.

A vegetable though, that's new. So is the extremely put-upon expression on the man's face that's trying to sell her the cabbages. The entire situation is just ridiculous enough that she's going to put a pause in her very important endeavors ( milling about the grocery store ) to slide up to Adrian, hands behind her back. Hi, hello. ]

Only half price? [ She's not looking at the sign or his costume, her gaze instead locked on his. ] Sounds too good to be true in this economy. What's the catch? [ She doesn't care about the cabbages why the hell is she doing this. ]

it's always aria time 2 me

[faithfall]

They're probably rotten, like the management. [ Adrian replies, wrinkling his nose. Behind him, a woman rolls her eyes. Is it the management, really, or is he just too spoiled to have ever truly worked an ordinary minimum wage job? Both can be true! (It's the second one.)

He's also feeling entirely too exposed, so the prospect of having some excuse to tuck himself into an obscure corner until his shift is done is a very tempting one. He clears his throat, clearly uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny of even one person. ] The... The apples are quite good. I would be happy to show you where they are.

[ Please let him show you where the apples are. In the far corner. Where he can die. He's looking at her with his big wet seal eyes, pleading for mercy, although... ] Are you recently arrived, Miss..?

[ With the horns and the scales, he wonders if this woman might be a tiefling. Someone from his world. ]

[recitations]

[ Oh, she likes this guy.

Jury's out on whether that's a good idea or not, but she's never really cared about that. He's got the guts to stick it up to authority while looking like the saddest little guy in the world, and the juxtaposition's just funny enough that her impulse to talk to a poorly dressed up cabbage is something she's going to commit to following through. She smiles, wide enough to show fangs. ]

Sure. [ Why not? She follows half a step behind him, though she doesn't answer until they're well on their way. Down an aisle, then a turn. A far corner where most of the shelves are empty; there's not an apple in sight. ]

Aria. Aria Forzane. [ If he decides to look back, she's still staring at him. ] A few weeks now, I think — I came in from the other side, actually. So I suppose I'm new to this part of town.

[ A beat. ] Why? Do you also work as a tour guide?

[faithfall]

[ She should not like this guy.

He is, if nothing else, already grateful to her for relieving him of some fraction of his humiliation. He holds the door for her to step inside and then resumes the lead to the apples... the apples that are now completely gone. Who could possibly need that many apples?

He does look back, as if he can feel her eyes on him. ] I... erm. I swear they were here just an hour ago.

[ But an isle that's empty of produce is also empty of people, mostly, and he'd very much like to stay here. ] Adrian. [ He turns properly, placing a hand to his chest and offering a shallow bow by way of proper greeting. ] Adrian Silverleaf. A pleasure to meet you, Miss Forzane.

[ He's already shaking his head, about to inform her that he's no such thing, but he seems to think of it a moment before offering a wry, tired smile. ] If I was, my specialty would be showing you where things used to be, so that you could gaze in wonder at all sorts of nothing. [ He sighs. ] I'm new to this place myself.

I fear I'm not exactly cut out for my current line of work, and I have some catching up to do before I can be of any use to the mechanical creatures that serve as healers here. Have you found something, yourself? If you're looking, there ought to be an empty cabbage costume waiting here come tomorrow...

[ He's mostly joking. It's just nice to speak to someone who isn't asking him about the price of produce (he still doesn't know what anything in here costs unless he's looking directly at the price tag). ]

[recitations]

[ It's okay Adrian, she really doesn't give a shit about the apples either ( which, once again, why the fuck is she doing this then? ). But she pretends to look around with him, giving a thoughtful hum at his insistence. A smile at his introduction, a nod of her head that almost looks like a bow in exchange for his. He's polite too!!! She definitely likes him. ]

Not yet. [ She's broke and homeless and she'll probably start needing to do something about that soon, but she wants a better idea of what this place is before she starts really leaning into the desperation. It's not even really a pride thing, it's just — okay, maybe it's a bit of a pride thing. Worst case scenario maybe she goes out into the Fringes again and make a life for herself out there before she starts working part-time jobs. ] I'm still shopping around. [ Literally, figuratively. Her smile grows like her joke was actually good ( it's not. It was a terrible joke ). ]

But still — that's a shame. [ Her gaze is back on Adrian again, giving him a long look. ] And here I was, already looking forward to coming back tomorrow. [ A flick of her glance over to the cabbage costume. Back to him. She's starting easy just in case the advances aren't welcome, or if he misses it entirely. But — you know. You miss whatever shot you don't take, or whatever. ]

[faithfall]

Why would you ever want to..? Oh. I. I see. [ Is she making fun of him? A joke at his expense? He really can't tell, but he's suddenly aware of the fact that she is very pretty and willing enough to tolerate his tragic sense of humor. He has... no idea what to do with this information.

Adrian clears his throat, well aware of the flush that has set the tiny golden freckles on his face ablaze with warm light. ] It's... the outfit, isn't it? I'm afraid you'll be terribly disappointed once I've been forced to return it. Are you from Faerûn, Miss Forzane?

[ Definitely smooth topic change. Nothing to see here. ]

[exoterminator]

[ Samus is here grocery shopping, grocery basket hooked under her arm and stocked with some basics; bread, meat, vegetables, some capsaicin heavy spices, cans, a lot of ration-looking bars, one (1) small pack of those chocolate alien eggs. She's worked hard for this as well her current digs to better fit in this world. She patrolling the isles in a worn leather jacket with worn pants and worn combat boots. Long legs, purposeful stride. The bandages covering bruises and cuts on her cheek and nose were a sacrifice to afford any of this.

She passes by Adrian once, samples a cheese. She says nothing but nods—a solemn acknowledgement to his presence and little more pity than that. Then she drifts around the store and lingers, eyes on the shoplifter to be, scrutinizing his body language with narrowed eyes. When he does finally make his move she moves towards the exit.

Adrian gives chase and the robber picks up the pace. Samus steps out and clotheslines him.

She sees Adrian right behind but too little too late, already a force in slow motion. The bandit chockes, his feet swing up in the air, her arm propels him backwards into Adrian, Adrian starts to fall backwards. She adjusts herself lunging forward on her leg to catch the small of his back hoping to spare him from the floor. This results in the ultimate sandwich between her arms; the basket of food, Adrian, the crook, her biceps. ]

[faithfall]

[ Adrian feels as if he's watching the future unfurl in slow motion the moment that the man begins to pinwheel his arms, falling backwards. He can't move quickly enough to get out of the way and then—

Something solid catches him, preventing him from cracking his own head open on the tile, but Adrian has barely a moment to be grateful. Blinding pain radiates through his face as the back of the thief's skull makes contact with his nose. Adrian swears in a very ungentlemanly fashion, flailing and scrambling to be free of the press of bodies. ]

No, don't touch—

[ He ends up on his ass on the tile floor, holding his own bleeding nose, eyes wide.

It's too late, of course. The brief moment of contact was enough to turn the thief's skin suddenly pale, and a few moments later he's flushed with high fever, practically delirious. Adrian looks up at the woman who'd caught him. ] You're alright?

[ People have stopped to stare at the commotion, which is just perfect, of course. ]

[exoterminator]

[ She hears the crack of his nice and winces, but everything else happens so fast. The thief throwing up has her attention, her brow furrowed with confusion and her mouth parting just enough in disgust. It's about the most expression she'll make before she regards Adrian more coldly, not answering. She's fine but she sees his bleeding nose and frowns. Better that than a cracked skull on tile floor but he still got hurt. If she could have done anything better in the moment she's going to direct that frustration immediately to the puking perpetrator, roughly grabbing him by the ankle and hoisting him up in the air. ]

Enough games. [ She raises him and shakes him like a ragdoll. Money tumbles out of his pockets, as does some fruit, cheeses, and whatever other things he was trying to steal. ]

[ What the fuuu— It's literal word vomit as he has another convulsion, this time upside down and splashing obscenely all over the floor. She gives one last another waggle, shaking out the last drips. ] Don't you have something to say to him?

[faithfall]

[ It's... Well it's an effective tactic. Shump would be partial to it, he's certain. Despite being splattered with the remains of lunch, all of the stolen items clatter to the ground relatively unharmed. ]

I... think the evidence speaks for itself. But thank you. [ He offers her a small, wan smile, slightly obstructed by his hand.

He doesn't feel bad for the thief, exactly. With such impressive strength, this woman is likely showing a good measure of restraint. It's just that they've all made quite a spectacle of it already and he would very much like to be out of the limelight as quickly as possible. ] Would you be so kind as to deposit the gentleman outside? I can help you clean up, after.

[ She's got a bit of vomit on her boot. Despite the smell and the general unpleasantness, Adrian isn't phased by the sight of bodily fluids, but he does try to avoid the majority of the vomit puddle as he pushes himself to his feet so that he might follow. ]

[exoterminator]

[ In another time or place she'd reconsider stopping someone who was stealing only food but on closer inspection there's an extra watch or two or three among the puke-refuse so she doesn't feel bad carrying him outside and laying him on the ground. For extra insurance she places her boot on the back of his shoulders, pulls his jacket sleeves up behind him and ties the ends in a knot. He doesn't have much energy to fight back.

Clean up? She looks down. She hasn't taken stock of her boot until now. Annoying. She smears her heel and toe in the dirt, obvious disdain in the twisting movement. Don't worry about her, Adrian. ]

Your face needs cleaning.

kat lmk if you want me to break this up

[faithfall]

[ Well, that takes care of that. He shakes his head at her assertion, though his voice comes out a bit nasal. ]

Oh, it's alright. Just a moment. Raphael, if you would... [ He pinches the bridge of his nose, and a soft light burns under his skin. For a split second, it illuminates cartilage, veins, and the sharp white bone of his skull where his hand doesn't cover. A soft, wet crack signals that his nose is set back where it belongs, and the light disappears.

Before he can say anything, the manager appears: Alright, break it up, show's over. She disburses the crowd with a wave of her hands, then nods to the woman. Appreciate it, ma'am. Adrian, clean up on isle 2. A pause. Anything you bleed on is coming out of your pay. ]

I'm just fine, thanks. [ Adrian grumbles, not even trying to keep his voice down, but she's already gone again as if she hasn't heard him at all. He's already gotten a pretty clear picture of his current value as an employee, and it's tragically no worse than anyone else who works here. He could clean up magically, but he wipes some of the sticky blood off on the tail of his apron, just out of spite, before he turns back to his rescuer and nods. ] Thank you, for that. Truly. I'm Adrian. [ He places a hand to his chest and offers a polite little half-bow. ] I would like to repay you sometime, if I can. If you're ever in need of medical aid, please do seek me out Miss..?

cabbage, naturally

[retrievalist]

[ Eliot doesn't much know where he is or how he got there, whether he's still alive or dying a slow—and frankly bizarre—death, but what he does know is that right now he's walking and talking and that means a man's gotta eat. And so here he is, at the grocery store, picking up his shopping for the next week or however long. He doesn't pay much notice to the sad cabbage by the entrance, aside from the usual once over he gives to every location he's about to enter. At least, not until— ]

Wait. [ He stops his forward march into the grocery store to find out more, not realising that the way he's staring at the cabbage boy is kind of intense. ] What kind of cabbage?

[faithfall]

[ Adrian looks to all the world as if he would very much like to become the plant he's dressed as, perhaps beneath the notice of that entirely too intense stare. He blinks, resisting the urge to inch backwards. ] The... green... kind? Are there other sorts of cabbage?

[ This particular fussy noble has never cooked a meal for himself in his life. Food comes in three varieties: elaborate six course meal, tavern gruel, and/or whatever dried rations are in his travel pack. (And the secret fourth option, which doesn't really count as food exactly.) The point is: if there's cabbage on his plate, he has only a rudimentary understanding of how it got there. ]

[retrievalist]

Are there different kinds of— You're the one selling the damn things.

[ He forcefully stops himself from raising his voice even further, because he's never wanted to be the person losing their rag at some poor kid stocking the aisles in a supermarket, but he is being tested today. ]

Look. You've got your basic, green cabbage. Mildly sweet flavour. Crisp texture. Used in everything from slaws to stir fries. Probably the type of cabbage you eat with your dinner. [ Every word sounds like Eliot is gearing up for war, punctuated by a sharp jab of his finger into the palm of his hand. ]

But if we're talking slaws and stir fries then you've also got your drumhead cabbage and your cannonball cabbage. Flavours still nice and mild but your drumhead cabbage leaves have a smooth, slightly waxy texture and the cannonball leaves are softer, more tender.

Then you've got your red cabbage. Flavour's a lot more earthier than your standard green cabbage, and when it's cooked? Beautiful rich, flavour. Perfect in a beef or lamb stew.

[ Eliot pauses for a second to push his hair back from his face. You might be tempted to think that he's done and that you can make your escape. Do not make this mistake. ]

Then— [ see ] —you've got your bok choy—crunchy stem, tender leaves, every bite a perfect one—which you can cook in any damn way you can think of, and then you've got your Napa cabbage, which you can cook into a soup or a hot pot but most common use is fermented. There's Tuscan cabbage, which don't look much like cabbage with its long, dark leaves. Flavour's completely different to all the others too, lot more bitter. Doesn't do all too well raw unless you treat it a bit first. Same with kale. Good for you, but you gotta cook it first, gotta soften it up, smooth out some of that bitterness.

[ He takes a breath and pushes his hair back again. ] And that ain't even all of them.

[faithfall]

[ Adrian wants to protest that this is hardly about selling anything at all. He's being paraded around in a silly costume for the sake of abject humiliation and nothing else. There's no possible way that anyone in this dreadful attire would be doing any sort of productive work selling cabbages... Of course, registering that protest would require him to get a word in edgewise.

He's utterly baffled at first, but the veneer of timid uncertainty melts away as the man goes on. He is... incredibly passionate about cabbage, and something about his serious intensity about the subject draws attention to the absurdity of the whole situation. Weeks ago, he was preparing to fight a powerful vampire with hardly a night's sleep or a minute's certainty of the future. Now, he's learning about cabbage.

He nods studiously, as he would with any of his tutors. When the man seems finally done, he replies with the same serious tone: ] Right, of course. Lettuce is a sort of cabbage, isn't it? Perhaps that's the one?

[ Adrian rubs his chin for a moment before a smile escapes him, teasing but friendly. ] For yourself, I would recommend the spinach variety of cabbage. It aids in lowering one's blood pressure. Deep breath, if you please. [ He inclines his head. ] Were you a cook, then? Back home? Or an innkeeper, perhaps?

[ He's curious. The man has a certain... intensity that he has a hard time placing. Certainly, he's met cooks who run their kitchens like other men run a barracks, but that doesn't seem quite right for some reason or another. ]

[retrievalist]

[ Well that successfully derails him. ]

You. [ It's a growl more than it is any kind of word. One might hazard a guess that he's not particularly impressed by the studiousness of the cabbage boy in front of him. In fact, some smart aleck kid mouthing off to him is familiar enough that his hands fall, almost unconsciously, into a wringing motion as though he has someone's neck between his palms. Fortunately for everyone involved he remembers himself well enough before he can use any of the uh, corrective measures he'd honed on Hardison.

Deep breath, if you please.

Even if it would be well deserved ]

Alright, wise guy, march. [ He jerks his head in the direction of the store entrance. ]

[mogger]

[ yuffie was about to shoplift herself (and there's no way she'd get caught by this nerd, unlike the current shoplifter he's chasing), but she sees adrian struggling to chase said shoplifter, who has an armful of cabbages. ]

[ she just wanted her free sample, damnit! ]

Ughhhh.... you owe me for this, cheese guy!

[ and in a flash, she's appeared in front of the shoplifter, tripping him, so that all the cabbages go rolling down the aisle.... but at least they're still in the store ]