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TEST DRIVE ∞ May 2025
Test Drive ∞ May 2025
The First Collision
The Diadem is an invite-only panfandom game set in a retro-futuristic world where uprooted souls find themselves deep within an eerie wasteland of roads and highways frequently assailed by cosmic storms. Three united strongholds keep the population. Its capital is Panorama, a large metropolis at the planet's center.
Soon, you realize you aren't alone. Calling themselves fluxdrifts, the "locals" have similar stories to you, either for themselves or their ancestry. You speak to an old woman who claims she hailed from another star. You meet a young man who says his great-great-grandfather knew a strange language everybody spoke "back home." As you explore, you stumble across a coin you recognize or your sister's locket. How did it get here? What does this mean? That's for you to discover.
But first, you need to find a ride.
Soon, you realize you aren't alone. Calling themselves fluxdrifts, the "locals" have similar stories to you, either for themselves or their ancestry. You speak to an old woman who claims she hailed from another star. You meet a young man who says his great-great-grandfather knew a strange language everybody spoke "back home." As you explore, you stumble across a coin you recognize or your sister's locket. How did it get here? What does this mean? That's for you to discover.
But first, you need to find a ride.
No invites needed to play on the TDM. Everyone's welcome! Use the Invite Request thread below to request an invite from another player.
∞ Summary ∞
IC-wise, arrivals are scattered throughout the month. Events described on the TDM are also ongoing throughout the month. If you'd rather jump right into the action, you're free to begin in media res with your character having already been on the planet for several days.
Post-impact, characters will wake up in a med tent by the Scrapyard. From there, they must accept a vehicle on loan and make the 2-hour drive to the nearest city, Panorama. If they refuse the car because they don't want the loan, they'll be in debt for medical bills instead...so just take the car. It'll come in handy.
Some things to keep in mind when bringing in your character:
TDM threads can be canon if characters are accepted. Top-levels made to the TDM should be open to all.
Post-impact, characters will wake up in a med tent by the Scrapyard. From there, they must accept a vehicle on loan and make the 2-hour drive to the nearest city, Panorama. If they refuse the car because they don't want the loan, they'll be in debt for medical bills instead...so just take the car. It'll come in handy.
Some things to keep in mind when bringing in your character:
- Pick an injury. At minimum, they got knocked out; at most, whatever they can recover from. Medicine is decently advanced so they'll heal faster if not painlessly.
- Decide items kept. Reasonable items on their person only: photos, keys, clothes, costumes. No pets or animal companions. Wildly out-of-place tech and personal cell phones will be damaged beyond repair.
- Select a weapon. Do this only if eligible. Guidelines about weapons and powers are on the FAQ.
- Choose a vehicle. Decide whether your character gets 2-3 options or if they're stuck with something they hate. Players can pick directly from our collection or source their own images. Anything under a similar aesthetic will work. If your character needs accommodations for driving, they can have them. Ask us for details.
- Get a phone. Characters have to obtain a phone (and a SIM card) themselves. If they've got one from home, it's damaged beyond repair. Phones are cheap. It'll only take a couple of weeks to afford one. You need to know the number before you text or call anyone. Read about phones and the Forum before you hop on it.
TDM threads can be canon if characters are accepted. Top-levels made to the TDM should be open to all.
Fluxdrift
Arrival & Introduction
Date: Throughout May
You've tumbled over a cliff. You were fighting for your life. You're on the cusp of death. You slipped in the shower. Whatever the catalyst, you struggle to cling to consciousness. As darkness overtakes you, a swirling vortex warps light and shadow in a way that defies all physics. A dark wail etches into your very bones. You couldn't describe it if you tried. You can barely comprehend what it is.
Then you open your eyes.
Through the figure's mask ©, you swear the face is grinning down at you. The tent you're in smells of antiseptic, and scratchy blankets line your cot. Injuries you've sustained have been bandaged. In the corner, you spot a MedBot that's fixed you up. Depending on the extent of your injuries, the doctor on duty might give you some painkillers before you go. Thankfully, your belongings are by the exit. Sorry if anything's damaged. Your landing was pretty rough.
You follow the figure outside. They are Yom Crook, here to lend a hand to fellow fluxdrifts like yourself. Their car's parked beside them. Actually, there are lots of cars around, but Yom Crook's stands out with its painted shark mouth. They explain they found you, unconscious, in a diffusion zone and brought you here. The nearest city is a 2-hour drive northeast. Forget about walking. You'll never make it. Also, you owe the doctor a lot of money for patching you up. But you're in luck: they've got some wheels for you and if you accept the vehicle on loan, Yom Crook will cover your medical bills. That's a good deal, right? It's not the shiniest car or motorcycle, but it'll do. If fortune favors, you'll get to choose between two or three options. Plus, if you need accommodations to drive—like adjustments to your seat height or modified controls—you'll receive all that for free.
Take the vehicle. (And the loan.) Yom Crook assures you that you'll have six months before collectors come around. Any time you're ready to pay a part of it down, return here to the Scrapyard. You'll get a receipt and everything. Paying off the loan in six months isn't impossible, but it will take a lot of work. Just don't get too lax. There's a good chance you'll be juggling multiple loans as you try to get by.
You either know how to drive, or you'll have a bare-bones manual to get you started. Road rules are more a suggestion than enforced, so just hit the pedal and go. The car has some basic features. The built-in compass will help you navigate.
Through the figure's mask ©, you swear the face is grinning down at you. The tent you're in smells of antiseptic, and scratchy blankets line your cot. Injuries you've sustained have been bandaged. In the corner, you spot a MedBot that's fixed you up. Depending on the extent of your injuries, the doctor on duty might give you some painkillers before you go. Thankfully, your belongings are by the exit. Sorry if anything's damaged. Your landing was pretty rough.
You follow the figure outside. They are Yom Crook, here to lend a hand to fellow fluxdrifts like yourself. Their car's parked beside them. Actually, there are lots of cars around, but Yom Crook's stands out with its painted shark mouth. They explain they found you, unconscious, in a diffusion zone and brought you here. The nearest city is a 2-hour drive northeast. Forget about walking. You'll never make it. Also, you owe the doctor a lot of money for patching you up. But you're in luck: they've got some wheels for you and if you accept the vehicle on loan, Yom Crook will cover your medical bills. That's a good deal, right? It's not the shiniest car or motorcycle, but it'll do. If fortune favors, you'll get to choose between two or three options. Plus, if you need accommodations to drive—like adjustments to your seat height or modified controls—you'll receive all that for free.
Take the vehicle. (And the loan.) Yom Crook assures you that you'll have six months before collectors come around. Any time you're ready to pay a part of it down, return here to the Scrapyard. You'll get a receipt and everything. Paying off the loan in six months isn't impossible, but it will take a lot of work. Just don't get too lax. There's a good chance you'll be juggling multiple loans as you try to get by.
You either know how to drive, or you'll have a bare-bones manual to get you started. Road rules are more a suggestion than enforced, so just hit the pedal and go. The car has some basic features. The built-in compass will help you navigate.
OPTIONAL PROMPTS: a flat tire; a body on the road (is it a trap?); a fender bender
Panorama
Explore & Settle In
Conditions: Warm spring temperatures, light showers
After 2 hours on the road, you find civilization. The largest of the strongholds, Panorama is where the economy thrives. Massive power plants glowing red make it visible from a distance. The city is divided into three districts. For now, you can access the Pavilion and the Blocks. Don't worry about the Sanctum; they're not letting you in.
You only need to know two things about Panorama: 1) it's big, the size of a modern metropolis, and you'll need your car to get around; 2) anything goes as long as you don't pick a fight with the wrong person. Street smarts will get you far. Despite its geographical size, the population isn't huge. With roughly a million people in a city designed for over twice that number, Panorama is far from deserted, but nor is it overcrowded. It's a good thing. Resources are limited as it is.
You only need to know two things about Panorama: 1) it's big, the size of a modern metropolis, and you'll need your car to get around; 2) anything goes as long as you don't pick a fight with the wrong person. Street smarts will get you far. Despite its geographical size, the population isn't huge. With roughly a million people in a city designed for over twice that number, Panorama is far from deserted, but nor is it overcrowded. It's a good thing. Resources are limited as it is.
The Pavilion: Free Samples
Like any large city, Panorama features a couple of supermarkets. The stock's not as consistent as a proper supermarket. On occasion, shelves can remain cleaned out for a week or two. Regardless, the long tradition of free samples remains. If you're not already shopping, you'll notice the crowded parking lot and clusters of lines inside.
Try samples, push through the crowds as you shop, or give yourself a five-finger discount. If you're cautious, you can pocket a few small items without consequences. The Pavillion doesn't have the infrastructure for surveillance; unless someone sees you, you won't be caught. Steal from the store or pilfer someone's wallet. Maybe you even make a new friend if you bump into another fluxdrift. Or, start a fight with somebody who cut you off in the cheese line. Don't make too much of a ruckus, or you'll be thrown out.
As you look around, you'll see posters advertising temporary positions for the cash register or graveyard shifts in the warehouse. Seems they might've lost several employees recently (how'd that happen?), which is good for you! It's just a 6-week position, but it'll get you on your feet. The city has temporary positions like this all over. Permanent ones are harder to come by when you're new.
Try samples, push through the crowds as you shop, or give yourself a five-finger discount. If you're cautious, you can pocket a few small items without consequences. The Pavillion doesn't have the infrastructure for surveillance; unless someone sees you, you won't be caught. Steal from the store or pilfer someone's wallet. Maybe you even make a new friend if you bump into another fluxdrift. Or, start a fight with somebody who cut you off in the cheese line. Don't make too much of a ruckus, or you'll be thrown out.
As you look around, you'll see posters advertising temporary positions for the cash register or graveyard shifts in the warehouse. Seems they might've lost several employees recently (how'd that happen?), which is good for you! It's just a 6-week position, but it'll get you on your feet. The city has temporary positions like this all over. Permanent ones are harder to come by when you're new.
Samples include: steamed cabbage dumplings, synthetic cherry juice, cheddar cheese, and chocolate-covered alien eggs (it's crunchy and weirdly tasty). They're served in the usual throwaway paper cups with little toothpicks.
The Blocks: Power Outage
Power's finicky in Panorama, especially in the Blocks. Saint Margery's Hospital, located in the same area, has priority for power so the first to go are the motels. Maybe you've been in your room for a couple of weeks, maybe you just got here—and by the way, every motel desk is happy to put the fee on your tab if you don't have the money upfront—but all the motels on the east side are in a blackout, leaving only the west side motels up and running.
What do you do? You have three choices:
What do you do? You have three choices:
- Risk leaving your room and head to the other side where there's power. Knock on some doors and negotiate with another to share the room. They might shut the door in your face, ask for a favor in return, or be nice enough to help you with no strings attached. There's no guarantee your unattended room will be untouched, though, and you'll be on the hook for any damages an intruder causes.
- Sit in the dark and deal. It's not the worst idea, but the TV's down, the vending machines are powered down, and with the entire place plunged into darkness, you risk getting robbed. If you struggle with defending yourself, you might want to find some trustworthy company. You can also sneak out of there and let them take your leftover pizza. It's not like you've got a ton of valuables, right? Plus, clobbering someone in the face with a frying pan sounds great until you realize you've gotta do something with the body. And what if this person's got a friend waiting?
- Get in your car and drive (or grab a friend for a road trip). If you scroll the Forum, you might notice reports on diffusion zones southward. Besides, these motels are hardly your forever home. The city can only provide so much. Why not go for a ride and see what you can find out there?
OPTIONAL PROMPTS: clean up on aisle 3 (what is that goo?); a knock at your door but no one's there; you hear screaming or a commotion down the hall
The Fringes
Quad 3: Lockdown
Conditions: Stormy, with flooding roads
Felix Bjurstrom
> Date: 125-05-17
> Time: 02:15:57
> Emergency road lights have been reported in Quadrant 3! Please, can someone go see what's there? When last we chasers investigated emergency lights, a whole truck filled with sour candy had tipped over. Our stores were stocked for weeks! Oh, be careful - reception looks bad in that zone.
> Date: 125-05-17
> Time: 02:15:57
> Emergency road lights have been reported in Quadrant 3! Please, can someone go see what's there? When last we chasers investigated emergency lights, a whole truck filled with sour candy had tipped over. Our stores were stocked for weeks! Oh, be careful - reception looks bad in that zone.
Through the open windows, a computer awakens and displays a cheerful smile. The lights inside switch on.
Pick your scenario role below. Your thread partner doesn't need to take the opposite role! They can join you in the same scenario (i.e. trapped together). Players are also free to create a generic NPC for the other side to facilitate the thread.
After characters escape, they'll find one bottle of antibiotics in their pocket or car, whether they remember taking it or not.
After characters escape, they'll find one bottle of antibiotics in their pocket or car, whether they remember taking it or not.
A: Sealed In
As you peer through the windows, you see crates of medicine floating around. Antibiotics in the diadem are valuable. Hospitals and doctors are always buying. You can keep it for yourself or make a quick buck. Or maybe you're compelled to help somebody back in the city who's in need. Whatever the reason, you decide to take the risk and step inside.
Water splashes around your ankles. The lock buzzes behind you. If you try to break the windows, you discover they're unnaturally resistant to shattering. With the whole place locked tight, the water begins to churn. Then the computer lights up again.
Warning, it flashes in large, bold text. Quarantine in progress. Release code required for exit.
- To find the code, you'll have to search. Duck under the water, go through sopping envelopes and sticky notes or pick the locks on the filing cabinets and desk drawers. You can also try hacking the computers. Use your computer knowledge or fall back on the age-old trick of seeing who wrote down their password.
- The files, notepads, and emails start innocuous, but as you look through them, disturbing phrases jump out at you—a dark thought you've had or a cruel taunt from someone in your past. The longer you're fixed on the terrible words, the higher the water begins to rise. Only another can break you out of your trance.
- With the rising water comes fear. And the more you're afraid, the more the water also rises. You begin to see faces in the water, bobbing like balloon heads. Do you recognize them? If you move to take a closer look, they will sink back beneath the surface as if never there.
- If you manage to swallow your panic, you can eventually find a triple-laminated binder with the release code and instructions. Bad news: you need someone on the outside to punch in the 6 strange symbols in order. The instructions explain that the code panel is located at the back of the building.
B: Set Free
As you peer through the windows, you see not just the crates of medicine but someone trapped inside. They look like they might be in trouble, and from your vantage point, you notice that the water is bubbling strangely. It's definitely not normal rainwater. As you watch, the water rises unnaturally, stopping and starting. It's as if the water level is responding to an external stimulus.
- The glass is soundproof. You can't hear what the person inside is saying, so you'll have to communicate with each other another way. Try charades, typing on your phone, or whatever you think of. Eventually, you determine that they're stuck and that you need to enter some sort of code onto a pad located—according to your trapped partner—at the back of the building.
- Around the back, shadows swallow your surroundings. The panel must be pried open, but a slippery substance makes it hard to get a good grip. Each time the substance touches you, you grow uneasy. You swear you see eyes watching you, though when you turn around, nothing's there.
- You can't seem to keep the instructions in your mind. And those symbols...they burn into your retinas. Through them, you glimpse an incomprehensibly massive figure unfurling in the darkness, pulsing as if in a deep sleep. When you snap back to reality, you realize you've injured yourself, slicing your hand on a sharp edge or a bruise you can't remember getting.
- Once you manage to release the doors, the water inside the office drains upward into the sky as though sucked out by a giant hose. The darkness spreads. Get out of there fast before the shadows drag you or your partner into the void.
Main Navigation ::: ⇅
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no subject
He just hopes it won't only push them even further apart.
The link doesn't break entirely. It's not quite so close anymore, not as intense, but he can feel how it lingers, Charles's presence in his mind. Maybe it's only an imprint that takes a while to wash away, and maybe in a few minutes, or a few hours, it'll be gone again. ]
I know.
[ He expected no less. The fact that there's even a sliver of possibility is in itself a miracle. Erik was fully prepared to never see Charles again, and even if he did, he certainly didn't count on him ever regarding him the same, as an old friend. Some things, when broken, cannot be mended.
He breathes deep, gathering his thoughts, piecing his composure together again. That felt like the first time Charles truly reached into the depths of his mind, and it's left him feeling equally raw. ]
I've missed you, regardless.
[ He's not talking about the physical presence of him. He means Charles's mind in his own, the comfort of hearing it, feeling it there. It is the strangest thing, when he loathes anyone else in his mind. ]
If you need help again, you'll let me know?
[ About this or anything else, really. He won't encroach on Charles's space, but he knows he'll struggle and Erik can help with at least some things. ]
no subject
I missed you too.
[ He says instead, feeling a lump in his throat, making it painful to swallow. Erik did make the gesture first by saying it, and he is not so cruel as to ignore it solely to make it sting for him. This is the truth. There were times he wished so deeply for Erik to return. There has never been a time when Charles truly hoped not to see him again.
The thought that Erik would leave him again now makes his stomach turn. For a moment, that good energy turns into shadows instead, showing how easily it is for them to pivot in the wrong way. Charles doesn't want him to go but a bitter voice in him says he wants to, he always wants to. They could go around and around if left that way. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out. ]
I don't need help but if you would like to accompany me to the market, they are offering samples that I could use. I was given an accessible van.
[ Charles does not have money yet to buy his own food, something he has no intention of bringing to his attention, but he still does need to go there. And Erik's presence will make the voices less prominent. Or maybe he is offering an olive branch and it is up to Erik to decide if he will take it or leave again. ]
no subject
He also didn't quite mean that to sound as parting words— more of an open offer, and leaving it up to Charles to decide whether he wants him to stick around for a little longer, or part ways for the time being.
So when that invitation comes, Erik is quick to nod. He gets to his feet, reaching into his pocket to check how much he still has on him, after tonight's shift. ]
I still have some money left, if you need anything beyond the samples. It's not much but it should be enough to cover a few basics.
[ Because he knows Charles won't have any money on him, and he's sure that he hasn't gotten a job either. Doesn't know if he'll be able to, even if he decides to look for one. But Erik can manage that much.
He's also not above the occasional shoplifting if necessary, but let's save that option for when there's no alternative. ]
no subject
[ The response is stubborn, naturally. Charles does not have money and he is going to struggle finding a job, although he assumes eventually he can. Just not one that he will enjoy, but this doesn't appear to be the sort of city with prestigious academies or universities. It is foolish, considering that Charles has welcomed so many people into his home including Erik, providing food and shelter and anything else they needs with his natural generosity of spirit. And then the moment someone else offers the same, he gets prideful about it.
He turns the chair and leads them into the parking lot where his van is. The decoration of it might amuse Erik and it suited the light-hearted man Charles used to be. He would have found it very charming before, although he always did like his classic cars that they used to drive around the country looking for mutants.
He gestures for Erik to get into the passenger side and does not want his help in getting in; it would be easier for Erik to drive but he's being intentional. He wants to prove that he's not helpless. There is a ramp after all and the van is designed for him to comfortably be able to put the wheelchair in there and get into the driver's seat, albeit slightly cramped with Erik there too, but he manages, is the point. ]
Not our car for our trip, unfortunately. [ Charles smiles faintly at him. ] I think the motel is nearly as bad as that one we stayed in rural Pennsylvania.
no subject
[ It comes after an eyeroll, because of course Charles would be stubborn and prideful about it. (Pot, meet kettle.) It's almost a comfort, quite honestly, though he absolutely intends to go through with using his funds until Charles has his own. He can just yell and bark at him all he likes, Erik doesn't give a damn.
He follows after Charles in the meantime, and when they get to the van, he has to pause for a moment, one arm around his midsection, the other folded up so he's covering his mouth with his fingers. It's all he can do to suppress his amusement, but the smile on his lips is impossible to miss.
He takes the hint and just walks around the car and slips into the passenger seat. Don't worry Charles, he's not about to princess carry you inside. ]
It's, ah... more colourful, certainly. [ He could say so much more about it. He probably still will, given time. For now he just props his elbow on the window and glances over at Charles. ] I don't know. I have rather fond memories of that.
no subject
[ Charles says snippily, although there's humor in his tone too. A curl at his lips that he purposely flattens out because if he laughs at his own van, he'll do it every time he's forced to be in it. It's not terrible to see Erik amused though, and for him to smile. When they first met, Erik almost never smiled, but over their time together, he did more and more, until they could spend more than a few times laughing heartily together. He might not always remember the exact conversations that led them there, only that his heart felt so light then.
He is slightly better at using the pedals now although he drives far safer now than he did then, with the youthful certainty nothing bad could happen to him on the road with his first best friend. Charles is far more cautious in a city like this, but they are making it there, just slower. He is still a little ginger at the controls. ]
Fond? [ Charles glances over at him and then back on the road, and now it's him who smiles. ] There was no hot water and the beds were so short your feet hung over the end. The door was practically sealed shut with tape.
[ That was one of those situations where Charles's money could not save them from disaster, because they were in an area where there simply was no better option. And they had been driving far too long to be satisfied with naps in the car. At the time he complained, of course, thoroughly, but he also found all their ups and downs rather thrilling on the road. An adventure. ]
no subject
[ He jokes, but it's not as though Erik's car is that great. It's small and short, and Erik looks even more a giant inside it. The only way anyone's sitting on the spot behind him is if they fold their legs up.
But at least it doesn't look like it's been dipped in glue and dragged through a rainbow.
The drive is slow, but he doesn't mind. He's not in a hurry. He enjoys getting to sit next to Charles more than he will the destination itself, necessary though it may be. He's not especially fond of crowds these days. ]
On the upside, you fit perfectly on the mattress. [ Short jokes. ] And there was a kettle. The tea was shit, granted, but... well, you can't have everything.
[ A shrug, lips curled wide in genuine amusement. ]
no subject
Charles makes a face. ]
Oh piss off! [ The death glare shot toward Erik at the short joke smoothly transitions into Charles choking back a surprised laugh. ] You prick.
[ He forgot how fast and sharp Erik's humor could be even if it came on the end of a low blow. Not that Charles cares much about short jokes now. Everyone towers over him. Still, he'll give it to him. Their height difference did used to be quite pronounced. ]
It did have electricity though, which I cannot say about my current residence.
[ They're lucky frankly that it isn't chillingly cold, it should be bearable until the power comes back on. He knows that Erik is far more accustomed to that kind of living from his travels hunting Nazis, but the pampered Charles will probably always complain a little bit. ]
no subject
That might have to be something we'll need to get used to. From what I've seen so far, it happens somewhat regularly.
[ It's far from ideal, but all things considered, it's not what Erik's most concerned about regarding their predicament. Besides, it's not like they never have power. An emergency kit is first order of business, though, as he'd rather not be caught unprepared. ]
Didn't have electricity where I was before here, either. Suppose that's not much of a change for me.
no subject
[ Charles is not oblivious here, he has lived a life with a silver spoon in his mouth so that even when the worst happened to him, he had a safety net and a home to come back to. He gave that home to others who might not have one, and that made him happy, so to be bereft of everything now is a stark contrast. And a startling one. It will take him longer than most to adapt and he's accepted that with a grain of salt.
He is getting more comfortable behind a wheel. This may be the highlight of his experience there so far, being able to drive once more. He doesn't know the streets well at all yet, so he does have to try and finagle his way through the streets, careful with his brake just in case. The voices do come at him from all angles but if he lets himself touch Erik's mind, it goes away.
He parks at the market and moves back into his chair, gliding down the ramp. ]
For example, I can't remember the last time I went to a market.
[ Hank usually handled all of that for him. ]
no subject
[ That Charles will struggle is guaranteed. Even more so because he's going to cling to his pride and refuse help on principle. Maybe not on all things, but on enough things that it's bound to become frustrating. Erik doesn't know if he's learned enough patience to deal with that peacefully— or quietly. Only time will tell.
He climbs out of the van once they're parked, looking over the paint job yet again with an amused smile. He waits until Charles is by his side to start walking towards the supermarket. ]
I wish I could tell you it'll be a pleasant experience, but it probably won't be.
[ It's too chaotic here, and there are so many people. If it bothers Erik, he can't even begin to imagine the hell of having to listen to all their minds echoing inside his head. ]
no subject
[ Such as survival tactics that Erik clearly is great at, and Charles is pathetic at in comparison. Eventually he will find a way to smooth it out and find his way here, he isn't going to relegate himself to a sad sack position for the rest of his time here. He'll be sour about it for at least another few days, it seems fair as he only just arrived. Perhaps he should have spent more time teaching himself useful life skills.
Charles will paint over that bloody van once he pays off the loan, of that he's promised himself. However long that will take. It reminds him too much of his time in the 60s when he would have found it delightful. Perhaps with time he'll be truly dramatic and paint a giant X on it; he might as well, given what he did with all the uniforms.
Charles pauses outside for a moment and takes in a deep breath slowly, letting it out. He is reluctant still to admit how much he needs Erik, but gives in because he can already feel the noise. He reaches out to snag the arm of his shirt, by the elbow, to hold a solid grip on him without making it too personal. He needs contact to stay in Erik's head on the outskirts of it while they do this. ]
What would you buy for yourself?
[ Him being a survivor. ]
no subject
[ When you truly have to, when there is no other choice. That Charles will have more difficulty and run into more setbacks is expected, if nothing else then due to his physical impediment, but Erik still believes he'll find a way to adapt, in his own way.
And it's a terrible thought to have, but things could be so much worse than this, truthfully.
He looks down when Charles reaches for his shirt, but says nothing. There would be an easier way to keep contact, but Charles is right. Too personal. ]
At least some water and non-perishable food. Basic hygiene supplies, I generally do alright with just soap— a flashlight, or some candles, both wouldn't be a bad idea here. I still need to put together a first aid kit, too. At least one other change of clothes.
[ He doesn't have a lot of funds, so he still hasn't stocked up on all of these, but it's the plan eventually. ]
I can move your chair, if you're alright with that.
no subject
[ Charles did guide Erik once just as much as his other students. He helped him tap into his greater power, although look where that ended up for them. But he's often been in the role of the authority because of his deep interest and knowledge of mutation and a sharp, quick mind on how to bring out the best in others. Those are skills that are useful in other situations, he just doubts he'll be tapping into that much in this situation. For now. If they are stuck for an extended time, it may eventually come back into usefulness.
Charles doesn't have the money for any of that but it is check marked in his mind for when he does. The fact he'll have to get a normal job is alien to him. He doesn't know where he'll find one that suits him, but literal beggars cannot be choosers. This is a humbling situation. He misses Hank, but he realizes that means he relied far too heavily on his friend to handle everything for him. He's been spoiled.
Charles knows everything about Erik so he's well aware of what he's done to survive over the years, how he's moved through the world. He liked spoiling him a little too when they were together. Giving him things he couldn't get when he was solely focused on his revenge goal. ]
Yes, fine.
[ He doesn't love it but he'll allow it. Charles knows he shouldn't be so sensitive about the chair but the man spent years on a drug solely to get around it. He just needs to readjust. ]
You said your plans in those months after your attack on DC changed. To what?
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He thinks, perhaps, if there is still a light in him, it's only because Charles has put it there.
So this, whatever he might help Charles with here, whether it's only advice or actual physical help, will always pale in comparison to what he gave him to begin with. And it comes nowhere close to making up for everything he's done, but it is, he hopes, a better path.
Despite the reluctance, Erik's pleased he doesn't need to insist. He could just push the chair with his hands, but seen as Charles has seen fit to seize one of his arms, he makes use of his abilities instead, easing the wheels forward with a soft swipe of his free hand, then they're heading into the store. ]
I found a place. In Poland. [ He starts, after they've made it past the initial group of people nearer the entrance, and Erik's checked that Charles is doing alright for the amount of people inside. ] It's not much, just a small cabin. I got a job at a factory. I go by a different name.
[ Not that he wanted to necessarily, but he had to. It was the whole point of vanishing. If people just knew who he was, he might as well just turn himself in and never again see the light of day. ]
Guess I was just... trying to have a simple life somewhere. Quiet, away from trouble. [ Living among humans, evidently. Living as a human, even. ]
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Foolish. Naive. Not arrogance, when it came to Erik, he felt the light in him and wanted it to shine. He touches it now, threading his way into his mind from the smallest of touches. Charles has that gentle shine that comes with him. He used to connect to it just out of reassurance, Erik became something he was a little addicted to. All those beautiful shadows.
The supermarket is populated, especially with a line for free samples, and it's difficult but not impossible to be there. Smaller crowds at a time he can survive, it's the city outside churning away at the edges of his consciousness. He massages his temple and his fingers tighten on Erik's shirt but then relaxes as he stabilizes. ]
You'd have to. Your name is quite famous now.
[ He's already in there so he may as well talk. After two attempted assassinations on presidents, he is likely wanted at large. But another country would be safer. He could restart there. If that is what he claims he is doing. ]
Did you plan on reaching out again?
[ Erik could not come 'home' anymore, not with his fame, but Charles wonders if he would go looking for him again. The answer is, most likely. Even if it was to see where he was. But it is hard to say. Erik is such a constant ache in his gut. ]
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Because in truth, he doesn't know if he would have done anything differently. Maybe he would have drawn that gun from Moira's hands, rather than just deflect the bullets. Maybe he would have prevented the injury to Charles's spine. But he would have still left, in the end. He would have still abandoned him. Charles was not wrong to put it in exactly those words.
Feeling Charles slip into his mind again feels less jarring now, both because the first time at the motel was far more intense, and because they had been in actual physical contact then. But it is still overwhelming, like high tide washing over him. He needs a moment to pause, slow down a little, just to be able to get used to that presence while functioning in a public space. ]
Infamous, to be more accurate.
[ He's no telepath, but in his mind, he tries to focus on the picture of the cabin, an old place clearly in need of repairs. But it has a roof, walls, and (most) windows. A flicker of a memory so Charles knows Erik isn't lying.
A few disjointed thoughts run through his mind at that question, but when he conjures an answer, it's a shorter, quieter: ] I don't know.
[ He wanted to. That much is clear in his thoughts, which lie just beneath the surface of those words. The longer time passed, the more he wanted to reach out to him. Being as alone as he was only made that yearing the more unbearable. ]
It would have put you at risk, and anyone else who was with you. I didn't think that anything I wanted to say would be worth that chance.
[ And it would have been selfish, ultimately. He would have done it solely for himself and his own peace of mind, and he would have put everything Charles was working towards in jeopardy. Because Erik knows with absolute certainty that there will be people watching Charles. His house, his school, whenever it becomes that. They would be waiting patiently for Erik to reemerge. ]
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And then after, while he was healing, when he settled back at the house, he thought any day now, Erik and Raven would return. They left for the moment, but surely not forever. He was angry, of course, and he would have told them so, but it took him months before he accepted the finality of what happened. It grew his bitterness into what it became. It wasn't about the abandonment of that moment. It was every day and week and month afterward.
The line is going very slowly so they wait in it for now. Charles plays with the fabric of Erik's shirt underneath his fingertips, he has a tendency to do that with objects with his hands while his mind is wandering. It's another grounding technique with the world around them shifting. ]
I wouldn't have let you visit, but we could have talked.
[ Charles most certainly would not be so foolish as to invite Erik to the mansion. Absolutely not. Too dangerous, as they both have acknowledged! But that is what makes Charles and Erik's situation different, because he can reach across the globe to touch him, as he is now. ]
I know it's as much my fault. I'm the one who can reach out, not you.
[ Erik did have the number for the school but it could be traced, yes. So if Charles never did, that was his choice. They both expect the worst from each other, that they shut one another out on purpose, rather than consider there was any ground that could be remade. ]
But it comes back to the same thing, doesn't it? I never wanted to be apart from you.
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It was not your fault. I'm the one who left.
[ But at the time, it was what he had to do. Or what he thought he had to do. Still on the heels of his ultimate goal taking up so much of his life that he hadn't even stopped to realise what he was giving up. How much it would hurt to lose it.
He cannot keep going back. But he does, again, to that beach, holding Charles in his arms and hearing him say that no, we don't want the same thing. Charles wanted peace; Erik didn't even consider that an option. It was all or nothing, and he somehow got both.
The last words have him turning his head away, his eyes closed. Thoughts scatter, incoherent, and it's a while before he knows what to say, or if he should even say it. His hand shifts just enough that he can brush his fingertips against Charles's sleeve, but it's barely a touch because Charles is the one holding onto him; Erik doesn't think he even has that right. ]
I never wanted to leave you.
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He goes back to that beach often. They left him bleeding and paralyzed on it, and while he and Hank became very close over time, they weren't at that point. He wiped Moira's mind to protect her and then he had to begin again without the two people who felt like permanent fixtures in his heart. How does someone move on from three significant losses in a single day?
Neither of them have gotten over what happened because until recently there was no way for them to find either peace or recrimination from one another. They had long, long silence and anger, and there were high emotions on that plane, genuine ones. He sighs and feels the weight of Erik's skin, just the tip of his fingers, close to his, enough that he could reach him if he wanted to. But he doesn't. ]
You weren't wrong, what you said. I shut down, I let the dream die. I gave up on everyone.
[ Charles did manage to find some hope after his heart was broken, and for a time, it felt like the school could truly exist, that they were going somewhere. He let go of his rage and pain to focus on the future. But the world around them came for the school and he was left again, with nothing other than Hank. Charles knows that he could have continued, he had opportunities, but by then Hank came up with the drug, and he fixated on closing his mind. ]
Perhaps this is not the place to discuss it. I can tell it is bothering you.
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He closes his hand into a fist, stops himself from trying to reach out further, seeking a contact that he should not. A deep, slow breath, then he lifts his head and fixes his eyes on the line in front of them, moving them forward once more as that line moves. ]
It's fine. I can handle it.
[ Doubtful, but he's also stubborn, and also prideful, and quite frankly, this is so much more difficult to handle than if Charles were to simply yell at him, hate him for everything he did. To find him acquiescing that he too did some wrong, meeting Erik halfway in carrying blame for what happened, brings down his walls far too easily. Not that they were ever very high for Charles to begin with. ]
I just don't know what more I can tell you. That I'm sorry, or that I wish things could have been different. I can't change everything that's happened, as much as I'd want to.
[ And he has never been much the kind to cling to what-ifs. It's only that he can't ever let go from what they had, even if he's lost it. ]
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[ It has been a short amount of time, it pinned him to the ground, his head just hurts more than his body. They did help him medically to be certain nothing more serious was happening, but the bruises would have to heal the old-fashioned way. And sometimes Charles can be a petty bitch. He spent a decade dreaming of hearing Erik apologize and come back to him. He is going to remain a little salty.
Almost contrary to that though, Charles finally moves his hand from Erik's sleeve to touch his fist, skin on skin. He taps the knuckles, intending to loosen him up because he doesn't want him to get too temperamental in a bloody supermarket. It shouldn't be a big deal as he did touch his temple earlier, and the mental connection is far more intimate than any brush of fingers could be, but there is something about it. ]
We can focus on the situation at hand.
[ Since he knows Erik is just being stubborn and doesn't want to deal with this emotional weight in a public place. The line is moving slowly but it is moving. ]
I've heard nothing about mutants here. There appear to be superpowered or uniquely non-human types, but no certainty they are considered one.
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Then I think I can keep saying it, so long as you believe me.
[ Or until he believes him. Either or.
He feels goosebumps up his arm when there's direct contact suddenly; his hand unfolds almost immediately, though it doesn't move much, only letting go of the tension that kept his fingers curled into a fist. He wasn't about to cause trouble, for what it's worth; but the direct touch is nevertheless a sort of comfort, as if it brings Charles closer into his mind. Or at least, it shuts out the rest of the world even better. ]
I've noticed. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but I suppose it's good to know we won't be targeted simply for what we are.
[ He wants to believe that, at least. There's always some amount of suspicion when it comes to that, like he's always going to be waiting for people to turn on them. Besides, they may yet be targeted for plenty other reasons, so that might not be the silver lining he'd hope for. ]
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[ When Erik says that he's sorry and he regrets it, Charles believes that he means it. Now. Hindsight is 20/20. Erik is sorry now that he's already done the terrible things and made the bad choices. It may not keep him from doing it again, because while he cares deeply for the man, Erik has a temper. Something in him snaps under the right amount of pressure, and it doesn't change that he means his words right now. It just can't guarantee it won't happen again. That is the sticking point that will require more time to sort out.
Their fingers tangle for a moment once Erik lets go of his fist, which was Charles's plan. To make him relax and not get too closed down in his mind and in his body. There was a time he got all kinds of addicted to the smallest gestures of affection he could get out of Erik. He knew his friend didn't do that with others so he became obsessed with something as simple as putting a hand on his shoulder or on his back. They had an easy way about them, once.
The gesture is given, their fingers brushing, and then Charles goes back to gripping his shirt sleeve. It isn't a rejection, more a way to keep himself from delving too deeply into old times. ]
I've heard nothing that makes me concerned on that front. It may be loud but I can hear separate voices, and it's not the same as back home.
[ Charles was very aware of the fear that could sometimes break out the more mutants became public. He just hoped that understanding would move people past fear. But here, that is not something he senses. ]
No one seems to think there is any way to leave here. No one has come up with a way to return that I can gathe.
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Erik doesn't know. He maintains what he said then. Maybe Charles shouldn't trust him. Maybe Erik can't be a better man, no matter how well-meaning he might be. Maybe it doesn't matter how much he wants to change, in the end. He'll always end up only hurting those closest to him.
It is both a relief and a disappointment when Charles goes back to gripping his shirt. At the least the knot untangles from his chest, and he manages a deep, silent breath, shifting his focus to their current situation instead. A far safer topic. ]
So far it seems as though everyone here has come from somewhere else. Even from previous generations. There seems to be no one native to this place.
[ As strange as it is ominous. It certainly doesn't fill Erik with hope that they might find a way back. ]
Perhaps others will show up. Other mutants.
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We can wrap here or on yours!
wrapped ♥