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The Diadem ([personal profile] thediadem) wrote in [community profile] diademooc2025-05-15 08:42 am
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TEST DRIVE ∞ May 2025

Test Drive ∞ May 2025
The First Collision
©
Jump ⇅ :: ArrivalPanoramaFringesInvite Request
The Diadem is an invite-only panfandom game set in a retro-futuristic world where uprooted souls find themselves deep within an eerie wasteland of roads and highways frequently assailed by cosmic storms. Three united strongholds keep the population. Its capital is Panorama, a large metropolis at the planet's center.

Soon, you realize you aren't alone. Calling themselves fluxdrifts, the "locals" have similar stories to you, either for themselves or their ancestry. You speak to an old woman who claims she hailed from another star. You meet a young man who says his great-great-grandfather knew a strange language everybody spoke "back home." As you explore, you stumble across a coin you recognize or your sister's locket. How did it get here? What does this mean? That's for you to discover.

But first, you need to find a ride.

No invites needed to play on the TDM. Everyone's welcome! Use the Invite Request thread below to request an invite from another player.

∞ Summary ∞
IC-wise, arrivals are scattered throughout the month. Events described on the TDM are also ongoing throughout the month. If you'd rather jump right into the action, you're free to begin in media res with your character having already been on the planet for several days.

Post-impact, characters will wake up in a med tent by the Scrapyard. From there, they must accept a vehicle on loan and make the 2-hour drive to the nearest city, Panorama. If they refuse the car because they don't want the loan, they'll be in debt for medical bills instead...so just take the car. It'll come in handy.

Some things to keep in mind when bringing in your character:

  • Pick an injury. At minimum, they got knocked out; at most, whatever they can recover from. Medicine is decently advanced so they'll heal faster if not painlessly.
  • Decide items kept. Reasonable items on their person only: photos, keys, clothes, costumes. No pets or animal companions. Wildly out-of-place tech and personal cell phones will be damaged beyond repair.
  • Select a weapon. Do this only if eligible. Guidelines about weapons and powers are on the FAQ.
  • Choose a vehicle. Decide whether your character gets 2-3 options or if they're stuck with something they hate. Players can pick directly from our collection or source their own images. Anything under a similar aesthetic will work. If your character needs accommodations for driving, they can have them. Ask us for details.
  • Get a phone. Characters have to obtain a phone (and a SIM card) themselves. If they've got one from home, it's damaged beyond repair. Phones are cheap. It'll only take a couple of weeks to afford one. You need to know the number before you text or call anyone. Read about phones and the Forum before you hop on it.

TDM threads can be canon if characters are accepted. Top-levels made to the TDM should be open to all.
TDM Questions? Here — Game Questions? FAQ
SettingTakenReservesApplications ::: ⇅ Top
Fluxdrift
Arrival & Introduction
Date: Throughout May
You've tumbled over a cliff. You were fighting for your life. You're on the cusp of death. You slipped in the shower. Whatever the catalyst, you struggle to cling to consciousness. As darkness overtakes you, a swirling vortex warps light and shadow in a way that defies all physics. A dark wail etches into your very bones. You couldn't describe it if you tried. You can barely comprehend what it is.

Then you open your eyes.


Through the figure's mask ©, you swear the face is grinning down at you. The tent you're in smells of antiseptic, and scratchy blankets line your cot. Injuries you've sustained have been bandaged. In the corner, you spot a MedBot that's fixed you up. Depending on the extent of your injuries, the doctor on duty might give you some painkillers before you go. Thankfully, your belongings are by the exit. Sorry if anything's damaged. Your landing was pretty rough.

You follow the figure outside. They are Yom Crook, here to lend a hand to fellow fluxdrifts like yourself. Their car's parked beside them. Actually, there are lots of cars around, but Yom Crook's stands out with its painted shark mouth. They explain they found you, unconscious, in a diffusion zone and brought you here. The nearest city is a 2-hour drive northeast. Forget about walking. You'll never make it. Also, you owe the doctor a lot of money for patching you up. But you're in luck: they've got some wheels for you and if you accept the vehicle on loan, Yom Crook will cover your medical bills. That's a good deal, right? It's not the shiniest car or motorcycle, but it'll do. If fortune favors, you'll get to choose between two or three options. Plus, if you need accommodations to drive—like adjustments to your seat height or modified controls—you'll receive all that for free.

Take the vehicle. (And the loan.) Yom Crook assures you that you'll have six months before collectors come around. Any time you're ready to pay a part of it down, return here to the Scrapyard. You'll get a receipt and everything. Paying off the loan in six months isn't impossible, but it will take a lot of work. Just don't get too lax. There's a good chance you'll be juggling multiple loans as you try to get by.

You either know how to drive, or you'll have a bare-bones manual to get you started. Road rules are more a suggestion than enforced, so just hit the pedal and go. The car has some basic features. The built-in compass will help you navigate.

OPTIONAL PROMPTS: a flat tire; a body on the road (is it a trap?); a fender bender

Panorama
Explore & Settle In
Conditions: Warm spring temperatures, light showers
After 2 hours on the road, you find civilization. The largest of the strongholds, Panorama is where the economy thrives. Massive power plants glowing red make it visible from a distance. The city is divided into three districts. For now, you can access the Pavilion and the Blocks. Don't worry about the Sanctum; they're not letting you in.

You only need to know two things about Panorama: 1) it's big, the size of a modern metropolis, and you'll need your car to get around; 2) anything goes as long as you don't pick a fight with the wrong person. Street smarts will get you far. Despite its geographical size, the population isn't huge. With roughly a million people in a city designed for over twice that number, Panorama is far from deserted, but nor is it overcrowded. It's a good thing. Resources are limited as it is.
The Pavilion: Free Samples
©
Like any large city, Panorama features a couple of supermarkets. The stock's not as consistent as a proper supermarket. On occasion, shelves can remain cleaned out for a week or two. Regardless, the long tradition of free samples remains. If you're not already shopping, you'll notice the crowded parking lot and clusters of lines inside.

Try samples, push through the crowds as you shop, or give yourself a five-finger discount. If you're cautious, you can pocket a few small items without consequences. The Pavillion doesn't have the infrastructure for surveillance; unless someone sees you, you won't be caught. Steal from the store or pilfer someone's wallet. Maybe you even make a new friend if you bump into another fluxdrift. Or, start a fight with somebody who cut you off in the cheese line. Don't make too much of a ruckus, or you'll be thrown out.

As you look around, you'll see posters advertising temporary positions for the cash register or graveyard shifts in the warehouse. Seems they might've lost several employees recently (how'd that happen?), which is good for you! It's just a 6-week position, but it'll get you on your feet. The city has temporary positions like this all over. Permanent ones are harder to come by when you're new.
Samples include: steamed cabbage dumplings, synthetic cherry juice, cheddar cheese, and chocolate-covered alien eggs (it's crunchy and weirdly tasty). They're served in the usual throwaway paper cups with little toothpicks.
The Blocks: Power Outage
©
Power's finicky in Panorama, especially in the Blocks. Saint Margery's Hospital, located in the same area, has priority for power so the first to go are the motels. Maybe you've been in your room for a couple of weeks, maybe you just got here—and by the way, every motel desk is happy to put the fee on your tab if you don't have the money upfront—but all the motels on the east side are in a blackout, leaving only the west side motels up and running.

What do you do? You have three choices:

  • Risk leaving your room and head to the other side where there's power. Knock on some doors and negotiate with another to share the room. They might shut the door in your face, ask for a favor in return, or be nice enough to help you with no strings attached. There's no guarantee your unattended room will be untouched, though, and you'll be on the hook for any damages an intruder causes.
  • Sit in the dark and deal. It's not the worst idea, but the TV's down, the vending machines are powered down, and with the entire place plunged into darkness, you risk getting robbed. If you struggle with defending yourself, you might want to find some trustworthy company. You can also sneak out of there and let them take your leftover pizza. It's not like you've got a ton of valuables, right? Plus, clobbering someone in the face with a frying pan sounds great until you realize you've gotta do something with the body. And what if this person's got a friend waiting?
  • Get in your car and drive (or grab a friend for a road trip). If you scroll the Forum, you might notice reports on diffusion zones southward. Besides, these motels are hardly your forever home. The city can only provide so much. Why not go for a ride and see what you can find out there?

OPTIONAL PROMPTS: clean up on aisle 3 (what is that goo?); a knock at your door but no one's there; you hear screaming or a commotion down the hall


The Fringes
Quad 3: Lockdown
Conditions: Stormy, with flooding roads
Felix Bjurstrom
> Date: 125-05-17
> Time: 02:15:57

> Emergency road lights have been reported in Quadrant 3! Please, can someone go see what's there? When last we chasers investigated emergency lights, a whole truck filled with sour candy had tipped over. Our stores were stocked for weeks! Oh, be careful - reception looks bad in that zone.
Whether you end up here on your own or you were following a tip on the Forum, the outcome is the same: you come to a stop in front of a 2-story office building that's flooded several inches deep. Emergency lights from a roadblock flicker through the stormy night. Stepping out of your car, you're soaked within seconds. When you check your phone, you don't have any bars. No calls in or out.

Through the open windows, a computer awakens and displays a cheerful smile. The lights inside switch on.

Pick your scenario role below. Your thread partner doesn't need to take the opposite role! They can join you in the same scenario (i.e. trapped together). Players are also free to create a generic NPC for the other side to facilitate the thread.

After characters escape, they'll find one bottle of antibiotics in their pocket or car, whether they remember taking it or not.


A: Sealed In
As you peer through the windows, you see crates of medicine floating around. Antibiotics in the diadem are valuable. Hospitals and doctors are always buying. You can keep it for yourself or make a quick buck. Or maybe you're compelled to help somebody back in the city who's in need. Whatever the reason, you decide to take the risk and step inside.

Water splashes around your ankles. The lock buzzes behind you. If you try to break the windows, you discover they're unnaturally resistant to shattering. With the whole place locked tight, the water begins to churn. Then the computer lights up again.

Warning, it flashes in large, bold text. Quarantine in progress. Release code required for exit.
  • To find the code, you'll have to search. Duck under the water, go through sopping envelopes and sticky notes or pick the locks on the filing cabinets and desk drawers. You can also try hacking the computers. Use your computer knowledge or fall back on the age-old trick of seeing who wrote down their password.
  • The files, notepads, and emails start innocuous, but as you look through them, disturbing phrases jump out at you—a dark thought you've had or a cruel taunt from someone in your past. The longer you're fixed on the terrible words, the higher the water begins to rise. Only another can break you out of your trance.
  • With the rising water comes fear. And the more you're afraid, the more the water also rises. You begin to see faces in the water, bobbing like balloon heads. Do you recognize them? If you move to take a closer look, they will sink back beneath the surface as if never there.
  • If you manage to swallow your panic, you can eventually find a triple-laminated binder with the release code and instructions. Bad news: you need someone on the outside to punch in the 6 strange symbols in order. The instructions explain that the code panel is located at the back of the building.
Let's hope a friendly face comes along.

B: Set Free
As you peer through the windows, you see not just the crates of medicine but someone trapped inside. They look like they might be in trouble, and from your vantage point, you notice that the water is bubbling strangely. It's definitely not normal rainwater. As you watch, the water rises unnaturally, stopping and starting. It's as if the water level is responding to an external stimulus.
  • The glass is soundproof. You can't hear what the person inside is saying, so you'll have to communicate with each other another way. Try charades, typing on your phone, or whatever you think of. Eventually, you determine that they're stuck and that you need to enter some sort of code onto a pad located—according to your trapped partner—at the back of the building.
  • Around the back, shadows swallow your surroundings. The panel must be pried open, but a slippery substance makes it hard to get a good grip. Each time the substance touches you, you grow uneasy. You swear you see eyes watching you, though when you turn around, nothing's there.
  • You can't seem to keep the instructions in your mind. And those symbols...they burn into your retinas. Through them, you glimpse an incomprehensibly massive figure unfurling in the darkness, pulsing as if in a deep sleep. When you snap back to reality, you realize you've injured yourself, slicing your hand on a sharp edge or a bruise you can't remember getting.
  • Once you manage to release the doors, the water inside the office drains upward into the sky as though sucked out by a giant hose. The darkness spreads. Get out of there fast before the shadows drag you or your partner into the void.
Of course, you don't have to help anyone. You can leave the individual there, make a deal, or outright extort them. But remember, you're not the only person on these roads. You might want to play your cards carefully, even if altruism isn't your first instinct.
carcajous: (156)

[personal profile] carcajous 2025-05-17 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
[ Yeah, by the time they get to talking about checking anything, Logan's already appeared at the driver's side window. He raps on it with his knuckles. Inside, they're—

Okay, there's two of them. They look like kids, and normally he'd clock those pointy elf ears as a mutation, but out here, who the hell knows? They're obviously not human, though, and something about that makes him take a little more interest.

That, and the fact that they don't have a goddamn clue what they're doing behind the wheel. He doesn't need more than two seconds of looking to figure that one out. He's also got just enough patience to wait out those two seconds before he knocks again, harder. Listen, he's trying to help, or else he'd have taken off. He can hear them, by the way. Apparently, they can't hear him.

Fuck it. He wrenches open the driver's door altogether with a sharp metallic squawk. Now there's definitely no missing him. ]
You gonna sit there shouting or you wanna get off this road some time before sunrise?
argumentiste: (10)

[personal profile] argumentiste 2025-05-17 02:00 am (UTC)(link)
[ Though she would swear up and down that she doesn't appreciate her brother sometimes, there is a quiet acknowledgement that she does appreciate how he can be more level-headed in alarming situations like this. And the fact that he's here with her is more of a comforting balm than she would ever admit to him aloud. Especially after everything they had gone through together with the other Scions and the Warrior of Light. But she won't be acknowledging that right now. Right now she's the very opposite of grateful. ]

Oh, I'm sorry. [ She's so offended. Livid in fact. ] Was I meant to see through the fields of wheat and fog?

[ She releases her grip on his lapel to gesture wildly out towards the crumpled hood. ]

I don't see how they're alive. This thing is huge and we were driving so fast. That force alone -

[ And it's just at that moment that she hears the wrench of metal behind her. A shiver races up her spine and she turns, wide eye and open mouthed at the man (definitely not a creature) that she has to assume they had run over.






And proceeds to scream, grab the crystal hanging from the rearview mirror and shooting a jolt of lightning out towards him. ]


By the Twelve - don't tell me it's another Ascian!!
diplomatiste: (08)

[personal profile] diplomatiste 2025-05-17 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
[ It takes just about everything in him not to screech aloud in an undoubtedly embarrassing manner and join his sister, but he does let out an undignified yelp and an echoed: ]

By the Twelve!

[ And before Alphinaud can even think to do anything else, his sister is sending forth an attack on the man who was supposed to be dead but isn't dead, which can really only mean one of two things: he's either an Ascian — ]

— or a primal.

[ Alphinaud's voice is low and almost a little unsteady as he immediately grasps to clutch at his chest, now more shocked and afraid than ever. Is this world also not safe from the clutches of their enemies?

To Logan, Alphinaud puts on a stern face and speaks with as much authority (and bravery) as he can muster. He thinks of the Warrior of Light and what they might do.

(Well. They would probably do what Alisaie had just done.) ]


Who are you, then?
carcajous: (155)

[personal profile] carcajous 2025-05-18 01:52 am (UTC)(link)
[ Goddamn it.

A sharp, acrid scent of burning fills the air. He grunts, rolling his shoulder. The hole in his flesh patches. The hole in his jacket does not, which, frankly, he's more annoyed about that than the blast he took at point blank.

Should've stayed home. ]


Relax. [ He steps back to make room for them to get out of the car. Twin elves, huh? That's a new one. Strong enough to use their powers; young enough to still be spooked by the idea of a man getting up after being mowed down. He's staring to put together a picture. ] I'm not gonna hurt you. Look, your ride's busted and you've got about a two hour drive due west before you hit the city. You want my help or not?

[ It's not a real question. He's not gonna leave 'em either way—they're just kids—but it'd be nice if they won't try to blow holes in him every step of the way. ]
argumentiste: (09)

[personal profile] argumentiste 2025-05-18 06:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The last thing Alisaie should be feeling is any sort of satisfaction that her spell hit. Sure, it had missed its mark; she had been aiming for the maybe-Ascian, maybe-Primal's head but this is close enough and a start. And frankly, if it were so easy defeat an Ascian, all their challenges and strife probably wouldn't be so long winded and drawn out.

That being said, she does give her brother a positively incredulous look as he tries to speak to the man they'd just hit. Really? Little do they know how stupid they look: a pair of young twins, one brandishing a crystal that probably just looks like a crystal that one would use to ward off "bad vibes" and a rich boy who is trying his best to employ conversational diffusion techniques in the car they had just totalled.

But when the man makes no move to attack them and in fact looks positively world weary as he steps back to give them room, some of her guard drops. But only some. Her eyes dart to Alphinaud before she releases herself from her seatbelt and hops out of the car. Her hand is still outstretched, the crystal hovering and floating there as a warning. ]


What would you want in return?
diplomatiste: (13)

[personal profile] diplomatiste 2025-05-18 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Alphinaud slowly unbuckles his own seatbelt, sliding past the seats the long way to join his sister on the other side. The hood of his car won't cease smoking, sending an awful smell into the air. But she's asked the right question, or perhaps the only question that needs asking, and so he doesn't add else just yet.

Instead he takes the time to study the man who should be dead, who very much looks like a man, and who carries the airs of someone who frankly doesn't act all that much like a Primal or an Ascian.

Maybe he'd had enough health to down a potion in the time that Alisaie aimed her shot and he got to his feet. It's not quite enough to give him a sense of relief, but he can at the very least accept that they aren't in immediate danger.

He won't be telling his sister to lower her weapon or her guard, though. ]


And if I might ask you again, ser, who — or what — are you?
carcajous: (092)

[personal profile] carcajous 2025-05-20 05:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Good question. What does he want. ] How about you don't blast me with your magic rock again, let's start there.

[ First of all, it doesn't take, so it's only gonna cause a headache for everybody involved. Second, it still stings like a bitch. So. He'd rather not. Anyway, he's not gonna bother to tell the girl to let go of her crystal, either. No point.

He circles to the front and pops the hood, unleashing an unholy amount of steam. He doesn't feel bad, exactly—they're the ones who ran him over—but at the same time, he is the reason their ride's crumpled this bad. They're lucky they didn't spin out over the road and flip the damn thing altogether. The hell were they doing going that fast, anyway? Something tells him neither of them have ever been in a car before.

Yeah, it's not gonna be running anytime soon. Doubt they've got tow trucks in these parts. He's still under the hood, fiddling with the gasket despite the steam, when he answers: ]
The name's Logan.

[ Who is a little simpler than what. ]
argumentiste: (37)

[personal profile] argumentiste 2025-05-23 05:07 am (UTC)(link)
[ She comes to the same conclusion Alphinaud does soon enough: that this man is no Ascian or Primal that they've fought. Then again, there's many mysteries in the world and this a different star altogether. Who's to say that there aren't Ascian or Primal equivalents here?

As he moves away from them and towards the hood of the car she follows suit, still holding out her crystal just in case. And unfortunately, when the opportunity presents itself to be give a bit of (unwarranted) sass, she can't help herself. ]


First of all, it's a crystal - not a rock. And secondly, I don't think you can blame me for reacting. You just ruined our mount!

[ Ignoring the fact that she had been the one behind the wheel. It's a minor detail in the grand scheme of things, really. ]

Alisaie Leveilleur This is my brother. [ If it weren't obvious enough. But she'll leave Alphinaud to introduce himself. And once he does - ] ...Can it be fixed? And how did you do this much damage to it?
diplomatiste: (29)

[personal profile] diplomatiste 2025-05-24 04:04 pm (UTC)(link)
— Alphinaud.

[ He keeps it simple, allowing Alisaie to continue on with her questioning without too much further interruption.

All of which are fair questions, really.

Now that he has a chance to observe the results of their collision, it's clear to him that whatever Logan may or may not be, he's certainly made of stronger stuff. He is no ordinary mortal, if he's mortal at all, and is one to watch for any motives involving wreaking havoc and chaos, or Rejoining certain stars together at the cost of everything else.

And when Alisaie is finished, he speaks. ]


Yes. If you might advise us on how we might repair our current mount, it would be greatly appreciated. I suspect these things will come in handy in settling here. The man back there, 'Crook' — [ A name whose meaning does not escape him. ] — seemed to imply as much, anyway.
carcajous: (128)

[personal profile] carcajous 2025-05-24 04:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Her brother. Logan pokes his head up from under the hood and looks between the twins. Yeah, no shit they're related. Also? ]

Hey, I didn't do a damn thing. You ran me over, alright? Next time, keep your eyes on the road. [ Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's no repairing this thing unless they get it back to the Scrapyard for a brand new engine. ] You're gonna need a new car.

[ He closes the hood. Great. Of all the people who were gonna mow him down, it couldn't have been a bunch of lowlife jackasses he wouldn't think twice about leaving for dead? It had to be a couple of clueless kids? ]

I can give you a ride back to the yard, but. [ He indicates the old Harley parked to the side. ] Can't take both of you.

[ Or, okay, he could, if he squeezed them on, but he's not about to turn his motorcycle into a tandem clown bike just for these two to get launched into the air when things go south. He can survive a crash; something tells him they can't. ]
argumentiste: (56)

[personal profile] argumentiste 2025-05-24 09:09 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Hey! Some people aren't super observant okay? Also, he just got hit by a car. Who's to say that he doesn't think he's seeing double? ...Then again, if that were the case this would be a very different conversation.

Her mouth open's and closes before shutting with a firm snap, seemingly coming to some of her senses. The silence that follows can be easily interpreted as her quietly conceding to the fact that yes, she had been the one behind the wheel. ]


...Well I apologize. It wasn't like I meant to. We were on the road one moment and then the next we were in a field of wheat.

[ And despite some of the attitude, its clear she's sheepishly apologetic about this. Her gaze follows his towards his bike, then to her brother and herself before back at him. ]

We appreciate the offer. But as capable as my brother can be in the healing arts, I'm reluctant to leave him alone out here in a shifting landscape. Surely we could both fit on there?
primepool: ([la] 131)

I also have a permission slip

[personal profile] primepool 2025-06-08 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
[Speaking of people (are elves people? a question for a different time) being super observant... or the lack thereof.

Any other car, Wade would've ignored. Probably. He was in need of one so he could repair his sweet little Beetle, who he refuses to abandon (seriously, it's grown on him despite being a Vee Dub.) That baby is a classic. And that colour! Muah. Seriously. Perfect dandelion yellow.

But a pretty little thing just hanging around in the outlands, waiting for his pretty little ass to sit in her? What's he gonna do, deny himself the pleasure? This car has owned all over it. The chance of ruining someone's day this badly? He's never practised self-denial for a reason.]


Well, well, well. Not quite the character of the last heap I passed... [He kicks her tire. This one isn't even covered in blood or has bones tied to the windshield wipers,] but you'll do nicely. Man! Whoever left you out here all alone is a complete asshole. If they're not having a bad day, it's about to get waaay worse.

[And this is him driving off in Alisaie's car back towards the city, where he can get a new tire for his Beetle and, dunno, maybe set this one on fire for fun.]
diplomatiste: (33)

oh my gOD

[personal profile] diplomatiste 2025-06-15 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Alphinaud is about to open his mouth to respond with a retort or to make a brief comment about he would be perfectly fine on his own — but truthfully he isn't sure he wants to leave Alisaie alone with this stranger anyway, not until they are fully confident in the intent of this man's heart.

He seems amenable, but they have suffered betrayals before. He has suffered betrayal before.

He hardly has a chance to say anything at all when he catches a blur of red speed past them, and when he turns his head to follow the movement of said blur, it occurs to him with a deep sinking in his chest, that — ]


Oh! [ No — oh no.

He whips out an arm pointing towards the van that is now peeling down the road, growing further away from them by the seconds. In its former place is dust and emptiness and space where Alisaie's van used to be parked.

Alphinaud sounds a little breathless, like the words are difficult to let out — because they are. ]
Seven Hells, that man has taken our vehicle!
Edited (needed a spicier curse) 2025-06-15 22:57 (UTC)
carcajous: (115)

oh no

[personal profile] carcajous 2025-06-17 10:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[ His head snaps around when the engine roars. The fuck is happening. What the— ]

You had two cars? Why the hell didn't you mention that in the first place.

[ Had being the operative word. He rubs his temple with his thumb and forefinger. Jesus Christ. He almost wishes they had killed him when they ran him over. Would've saved him some trouble. How come this is never anybody else's problem, huh? How come this kinda shit always becomes his problem?

He stares at Santa's twin elves for a long second.

You gotta be kidding him. Can't believe he's doing this. ]


Alright, c'mon. [ He swings his leg over the bike. ] Get the fuck on, let's go. Make yourselves fit and don't fall off. I'm not turning around, you hear?