[ Erik didn't tell him to stop not just because he didn't want to, but because he quite simply couldn't, too drawn by it all to really think reasonably about it all. So long he'd been alone, and it wasn't until Charles that he truly felt seen in every sense of the word. More than that, Charles saw everything, and he didn't care. He still accepted him with all the flaws, the choices he made, and the pain he caused. Shaw had made him a monster but that wasn't what Charles saw, and maybe, for just a brief window of time, Erik stopped seeing himself as one as well.
He could say that it was just the reality of the world crashing down on them, that it was never meant to be, or meant to last, but Charles is right. It was his choice. Because he believed he had a purpose, a goal that was more important than anything else, and he didn't care to consider that perhaps some things, however new, could be just as important. ]
I'm aware of that.
[ It was so easy, far too easy to smother that part of him. Once Charles was gone from his mind, so was the light, and isn't it just so easy to let things stay buried and forgotten in the dark? How quickly did he slip back into who he once was, shifted into something even worse than before? ]
And I've regretted it far more often than I care to admit.
[ He's regretted it more in the past three months than at any point in the past ten years, because he had a purpose then, a cause to fight for, and now he has nothing. And he regrets it in this instant more than ever before, when he feels Charles's presence right there again, where it always should have been, and it's one of the worst possible feelings to know that he was the one to push it out of there. ]
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He could say that it was just the reality of the world crashing down on them, that it was never meant to be, or meant to last, but Charles is right. It was his choice. Because he believed he had a purpose, a goal that was more important than anything else, and he didn't care to consider that perhaps some things, however new, could be just as important. ]
I'm aware of that.
[ It was so easy, far too easy to smother that part of him. Once Charles was gone from his mind, so was the light, and isn't it just so easy to let things stay buried and forgotten in the dark? How quickly did he slip back into who he once was, shifted into something even worse than before? ]
And I've regretted it far more often than I care to admit.
[ He's regretted it more in the past three months than at any point in the past ten years, because he had a purpose then, a cause to fight for, and now he has nothing. And he regrets it in this instant more than ever before, when he feels Charles's presence right there again, where it always should have been, and it's one of the worst possible feelings to know that he was the one to push it out of there. ]