[ He really is a walking billboard for the best heavy metal and hard rock of the 70s and 80s. The large Dio patch on the back is the most obvious, but pins and patches also tout his love for Iron Maiden, Metallica, Motorhead, WASP, Mercyful Fate—between that and his hair, he’s either a young man who listened to Runnin' with the Devil once and decided to skinwalk as Eddie Van Halen, or he’s literally from the 80s.

Or, you know, both. ]

Jesus Christ. Ouch.

[ He laughs, though, after checking quite blatantly to be sure there are no loose bricks in the wall behind him. ]

Seriously, name some names. I can probably at least tell you if what I just gave you is anything close. Assuming you’re in the right timeframe, but uh—go on, try me.