[ Eddie peers down at the cheese, far too dirty to even claim via the five second rule, and heaves a deep sigh. ]

I’m gonna be real with you, man, it was only like, minutely better than the processed shit. I’d say it was the processed shit, but uh, pretty sure humans are the only living things stupid enough to touch that, and—

[ He toes at a line of ants that have already begun to approach, claiming the fallen cheese for their own. ]

So…must be gourmet.

[ But Eddie isn’t exactly a man of fine and expensive tastes. He’ll eat just about anything, but he’s still young enough to get away with living off of Coca Cola and sugar cereal, and that’s exactly what he’d be doing right now if he were home on a normal day. The fallen dairy could have actually been incredible cheese, but he wouldn’t have picked it out if it weren’t free.

But the candy bar—that’s perfectly suited to his garbage, palate-of-an-eight-year-old tastes. ]

I dunno, man. I was thinking about making you stand in line for twenty minutes as as tribute, but uh…

[ He holds out his hand with a grin. ]

You’ve got a deal.